Consider yourself forewarned: The Bitterness Council has convened for its monthly (or weekly, or daily--whichever is needed) meeting, and the meeting is being held right here on my blog. The only person on tonight's agenda: moi.
Item #1: My son earned his second round-trip ticket to the principal's office in 2 weeks' time today at school.
Oh, Kim...but why? Because, apparently Andrew told Connor that Connor wasn't the line leader today and we all know that Connor most certainly was the line leader today (a most important task to any kindergartener). And rather than, say, ignore Andrew or let the teacher deal with the situation, my child chose to take matters into his own hands (literally) and he punched Andrew in the stomach.
I guess Andrew learned his lesson...but I'm not sure that Connor learned his.
Item #2: As a result of this act of violence (for that is indeed what it was), I spoke with a colleague who is finished raising his children. Said colleague and his wife ended up putting their son on ritalin when he was in kindergarten because of many of the same issues that my son seems to be exhibiting (inability to control his impulses, lack of concentration/focus, etc). I made an appointment with our pediatrician to see if my child might need ADD medications today. Just typing this brings me to tears, because I never thought my child would need that. As an educator, I think that entirely too many parents look to drugs as an easy out for their children's behavior problems--I never thought I might even remotely consider this for my child.
I feel like this is my fault. Like I haven't been enough of a disciplinarian. Actually, I feel like I haven't been enough of a mom, if I'm going the "beat myself up route". But that's for another blog post.
Item #3: The beautiful ring my husband gave me for Christmas/our 10th anniversary (which is coming up this summer) has lost one of its diamonds--again. I just got the ring back on Sunday (from having the diamond replaced), and today as I left work I cut my pinky finger on something: the prong that used to hold a beautiful diamond. Zales--you are officially on my list.
Item #4: I was too tired/lazy to go for a run by the time we got home from the jewelry store this evening, so I didn't exercise--again.
Item #5: I am so not ready for district Speech and Debate contest this weekend, which will take me away from my family Friday night as well as all day on Saturday.
Item #6: I will most likely not get the job transfer that I've been hoping and praying for (for the past 5 years) due to the stupid state budget cuts (special thanks to Gov. Nixon--I guess he can repay me and my family by offering even more special services to my potentially ADHD child, since I won't be home in the evenings to properly raise him and help him with his school work).
Item #7: It's well after midnight on a school night and I don't feel the slightest bit sleepy. That ought to make for an awesome tomorrow.
Well, I guess that's it for the "airing of grievances" for today.
The important thing is that I'm not bitter, and that tomorrow is another day, right?
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5 comments:
Kim, I am so sorry...I think we all have our "I'm a terrible mother" moments, but I hate to hear you are going through some...especially and not-a-lot of sleep. Just take a deep breath and remind yourself of all your successes. I know it is hard when everything is bothering you...but I've had some lovely people tell me to do it...I think you have, in fact. And, hopefully, I will get to see you this weekend. So, that's one good thing about districts, right? :)
Kim, try not to be to hard on yourself! I know how humiliating it can be to finally have to admit that your child may need more help than you can give them. I also refused to think that K needed meds,but when he was always getting into trouble and almost suspended from KG, I agreed that meds were probably the best thing for him. It was really difficult, but a necessity at that point!
I also have to remind you that IF he does end up having some form of ADD, then there is actually very little you could have done to prevent this! It is biologically going to happen, no matter what you do or how good of a parent you are! You are an excellent mother, and I do not want you to doubt that.
I think that you ARE doing what a good parent would do! You are staying involved, not giving up and ruling out any biological needs for meds, so you know what you are dealing with.
Again, I also have to say that some little boys just need that little extra "dose" to help them, and they will most likely outgrow it at some point. Give yourself a pat on the back for actually BEING an involved parent and trying all things possible to make sure your child is living his best life!
CYBER HUGS TO YOU!
You are doing what any mother would do in your shoes, taking him to the doctor. Let the trained professional decide what he does/doesn't need. I would love to put my two year old on Benadryl:) Sorry about the ring...AND I have exercised once in two and a half years. Sooooo.....Hmmmmmm.......I don't think you are doing a bad job!
All I am going to tell you is continue to vent and know that this is a great place to do it...because sometimes that is all you need. Big hug to you though.
What great friends you have to give you such supportive advice!! I totally agree with their statements about Connor's (possible) ADD. If he's got it, he's got it. There's nothing you could have or should have done to change that. You're doing the absolute best thing for him by staying on top of things and being an involved and loving and caring parent. Good for you!!
The ring thing sucks. There's no two ways about it. And so does not getting your transfer. But as for the not exercising, need I remind you that you ran 10 MILES the other day? I think that deserves a day off! You're doing an excellent job.
Nobody ever said being a mommy was an easy or appreciated task (which I'm being reminded of this week while G is out of town). Trust in yourself, though, and your love for your kiddos. While things may be difficult now, you'll find your even keel again soon. Love you.
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