Back To School Shopping

Today I went (tried to go, anyway) back to school shopping. Now that I've lost a little around my middle, I am in need of a few new pairs of pants and skirts. (Who am I kidding? Ask my students, and they will tell you that I was in need of a new wardrobe long before now).

Connor had an appointment to get his hair cut, and since Caleb is still having to limit how much he talks, I decided to take both my little people along with me to the mall.

BIG MISTAKE!

The hair cut was fine. My cousin Jessica is the best stylist in the world, especially with my little ones. So I expected that part to go well. They love getting to see Miss Jessica (and it's not just for her suckers, either)!

After the hair cut, we headed over to the mall. Now, you must remember that it's about 1,000 degrees here in the greater St. Louis area right now. And apparently, when it gets that hot outside, my children's tempers do much the same inside.

So I lugged the double stroller out of the way-back of the Mom-Mobile. I'm not sure why, because both children insisted upon walking. However, since I am still bigger and stronger than both of them (for now), they did end up riding in the stroller--imagine that. We made it to the door, but Connor decided that he just had to press the handicap-access button to open the door. Then Riley, of course decided it was her turn. Then we got to the door, which closed on us as we were going through the door and were trying to avoid the carts that were blocking the entrance (this was at Sears). Not a great start to our shopping excursion. I should have turned around and loaded them back into the car then and there. But I forged onward. There were bottoms to be hunted and purchased.

Let me just say this: In case you are not a parent (which you probably are, or you most likely wouldn't be reading this blog), malls were not designed with stroller-pushers in mind. It's almost as if they do not want you to come and spend your grubby money in their stores. Especially if, heaven forbid, you have a double stroller. I even had the jogging stroller. That thing can turn on a dime, normally. Not so much in the mall. I had a terrible time navigating with that thing today. I think I bumped into racks in stores I didn't even go into!

In 3 stores, I tried on exactly 6 articles of clothing. Not a single thing worked.

FEMALE PANT-MAKERS OF THE WORLD LISTEN UP: Some of us have curves. Some of us actually have a ratio between our waist and hip measurements, and a pretty decent one at that. Some of us would like to be able to purchase pants that do not dangerously stretch across our hips and arses, making us look as if we should be wearing "Wide Load" signs, but we would also like to be able to purchase pants that do not have ginormous gaps in the waist in order to accommodate said hips. Please, for the love of all that is good in this world, create a pair of pants that will fit me in both the hips and the waist. The world with thank you!

I acknowledge that fact that this mythical pair of pants may indeed exist and it may be hanging in a store in that very mall just waiting for me right now. I may have missed out on it because my children morphed into heinous monsters in the Macy's dressing room, and I felt the need to leave the mall as quickly as possible. That may have been because of the the security guard walking behind me... (Just kidding--but it was only a matter of time before someone called security regarding the screaming child in the dressing room.)

So I pushed my children out of the mall as quickly as I could, making eye contact with no one. We finally got back to the entrance we had parked at. Neither child asked to press the button this time--they knew better. I marched them outside and toward the dip in the sidewalk for wheelchairs and strollers, where, wouldn't you know it, some woman had PARKED to wait for someone. I had to ask her to pull forward since she was blocking the only spot where I could get them down (normally I would have just "off-roaded" it, but you can't really do that with a double jogging stroller--it only has one wheel in front). The lady didn't say anything. She just gave me a dirty look and pulled forward. I was not in the mood to deal with both my ornery children and this ignorant woman, so I didn't engage. I just pushed my stroller the other direction.

Anyway, I left the mall with no new clothes for myself, but Riley made out like a bandit! Perhaps that's because she doesn't have to try things on yet. She's 3 years old, so she's a 3T, and it will fit her just fine. I wish that adult women could get away with that. I am 32 years old, so I wear a 32A (A for adult) and it will fit. It will not make me look fat, or hippy or frumpy. I will look adorable in it no matter what. And I don't have to spend a moment in those little dressing rooms. Wouldn't that be nice?

I will go shopping again, but it will be one day without my children. Maybe I'll get some new clothes once they've gone off to college.