Bed Time Story

Tonight's bedtime was, well, long.

First, I had to tuck Riley in. This consists of singing a song. It's taken most of the summer, but I've managed to convince her that we don't have to sing every song in her repertoire every time she goes to sleep. I now take one request. Typically, it's You Are My Sunshine. Well, tonight I must have sung too quickly, because no sooner than I finished the song, she said, "You forgot to sing 'You Are My Sunshine'!". As I type this, I realize that the master-manipulator has played me--again. She's found a loophole! If she feigns ignorance to the initial singing, then I'll have to sing it again. Essentially, she's back to getting at least 2 songs (which is still way better than 6). The twirp has outwitted me!

So I sang the song for the second time, although I sang it majorly up-tempo. By the way, she's onto that technique, too. If I sing too fast, she generally speaks up and tells me not to rush. I always have to find the sweet spot--Goldilock's tempo, if you will--where it's not too fast but not too slow. Tonight, I guess she knew better than to say anything, though, since we were on the 2nd time through.

Did I mention that I used to like that song? Perhaps I am a bit burned out on it these days.

Anyhow, after I got through the singing we said prayers. Again, as soon as we said "Amen", she said "You didn't say prayers!". And she doesn't just make the statement. Oh no...it comes out in panic mode, as though the world will literally stop turning if we fail to sing or say our bed-time prayer even one time. The child practically starts hyperventilating as she revs her engine, getting ready to fight the good fight.

So, I did what any good mother would do and I distracted her with her doll.

We lay in bed for another minute or so before I got up and had to "rock her like a baby", which means singing Rock-A-Bye Baby (aka World's Creepiest Lullaby) while holding her like a baby and swaying. Then I'm allowed to tuck her in and kiss her good night.

You thought that was it, didn't you? Nope! There's still one critical step. Once I get to the door, I have to turn to her and make sure her closet is completely shut, tell her "I love you" and then listen to her identify everything in her sight lines. This wouldn't be so bad except for "This is a fo." Every night, the last thing my daughter says to me is "Mommy? This is a fo." (That's not a typo.) She's been saying this for over a year now, and neither my husband nor I has ANY idea what a "fo" is! We've actually given up trying to decipher this. We now just nod and say, "Good night, I love you!," before leaving her room.

Once I'm finished there, I get to go tuck Connor in. Oh yes, my tucking in duties are only half-way finished at this point. I have to go lay in bed with my son and say prayers and talk with him for a few moments before he can drift off to sleep. Tonight, he revealed that he had not gone to the bathroom before getting into bed, so he had to get up to do so.

While he was in the bathroom, his younger sister (have I mentioned the fact that she's a master-manipulator?) decided that she, too had to get back up to go potty. So, I helped them both quickly go potty (as quickly as could be done, as they were both conveniently stalling so as to avoid going to bed), and then back to bed, which meant starting the entire process over with Riley...complete with a discussion about dolls', princesses' and Riley's relative abilities to fly.

All of our friends used to be so impressed with how quickly and easily our children went to bed. Used to be. I worked so hard to craft bedtime routines that could be easily replicated by anyone caring for my children, and in any location (home, Grandma's, hotel). It paid off big time. I don't know what happened! Now, bed time is like some sort of circus side-show, only the kind that NOBODY wants to see.

I know that in a few short years, my kids will not let me lay down in their beds with them and snuggle before they go to sleep. They won't want to tell me about their days while we listen to their lullaby cds. They won't want to give me "Eskimo kisses" anymore. I know I'm going to miss all of that. But seriously, could we just shave about 5 minutes off of this ritual? Please?